First published on TechieStory, 21 June 2021: archived copy. TechieStory also ran it in Vietnamese: archived copy. Roles and plans are as of that date. Part 2 is Duc Nghiem on motivation from within.
Part 1: Dad wasn't born to be a father. This is also the first time Dad has been a father.
Back then, I was focusing on my startup project when my wife told me she had been pregnant for two months already. That was a shock! I wasn't ready to have a kid. So it took me a month to calm down and arrange my work, and we celebrated our wedding when Mam Tom was "4 months". Months later, I moved to salaried employment, read books for dads, and started to learn how to be a dad. Yeah, I literally learned to be a dad.
Frankly speaking, it is a negotiation. I used to build my network by taking part in lots of events and conferences. The startup community knew me for that. When people remember us by our specialty (personal branding), they soon forget us when we stop doing that thing, or do it less often. We will be forgotten! That is how my career has been affected most since I've had Mam Tom. However, I decided to take the first three years with my daughter seriously, so work wasn't my first priority. I put my whole focus on Tom and my wife. I didn't expect that I would learn a lot from my daughter, too.
Mam Tom is like my first startup. We were ready to take risks since we were a blank page with nothing to lose. I had my daughter's DNA checked to learn about her health, personality, character, and so on. It revealed quite a lot. For example, Tom's DNA shows she can be very good at math and logic, and I realize she can spend an hour playing Lego without getting bored. As a toddler, she was so shy in front of a crowd, so I pushed her the other way. I don't want her to always stay in her comfort zone. Settling in can take longer, but it's worth trying. I took her to an international school with a bunch of outdoor activities, but with some private corners for her, too. You know, it took Mam Tom six months to observe the new environment. When she felt safe, she joined the activities. Of course, the time she needs to settle in has gradually dropped.
I also took her to swimming, drawing, and music classes. She hates swimming the most because she is forced into a framework. I tried many ways to keep her from giving up. She can hate it, but she has to complete the course. In contrast, she prefers music lessons. The interesting thing is that she loves the class, but not for the class itself. There is a giant Lego play yard in front of it! Cool. To stay motivated, mix in your favorite activity.
It's tough to raise a kid, whatever we learn. But it's fun anyway!