First published on TechieStory, 22 June 2021: archived copy. TechieStory also ran it in Vietnamese: archived copy. Roles and plans are as of that date. Part 1 is Duc Nghiem on raising a daughter.
Part 2: When a boy became a Dad
I saw my father in myself when I became a Dad. I only lived with my Dad for three years, but it was a treasured time. My Dad is very talented; he could do everything. He played with me and let me try whatever he did. However, like other traditional fathers, he didn't show his feelings and emotions. Neither did my mom, maybe because of her nature. This is the one thing I really want to change in raising Mam Tom. You know, only when I grew up did I realize it hurt. For example, Dad would often blame me with lines like:
You couldn't do anything!
You should join the army!
As a child, I didn't feel anything about these judgments. Time flew by, and when I attended a meditation course, I recalled those memories. I suddenly realized that my effort and motivation, from high school and university to startups, were all about proving myself to my Dad. Without meaning to, I worked like crazy and even forgot my mental health. So I soon burned out and got exhausted. I didn't see the destination, because the motivation came from outside, not from within me. Indeed, I can learn or do anything in the moment, but after being under lots of stress, I have had to rethink my motivation and destination.
For that reason, I don't put any expectations on Mam Tom. I hope she tries to do things because she wants to, and that her goals start from herself.